After years and years of political promises and bogus elections nothing really has changed for us Natives. The Native American Trust has been emptied by ruthless opportunists and the courts let us down. Lies prevailed and now we are left with nothing, but the corporate bottom line was secured for the most part. Corporate greed has taken the scepter of control from nations who have fallen for the New World Order scam and has begun stealing their nations resources and killing the “little people”.

Not being a resentful Native dude I decided to share how we have survived over the last few centuries. I’ve compiled a list of survival skills that will assist those who face financial turmoil in the future. I’m such a nice guy.

THINGS YOU MUST KNOW TO SURVIVE THE NON DEPRESSION

1. Duct Tape is the universal survival tool. It can help build a dwelling or keep the snow from blowing around the house, with the assistance of plastic trash bags of course. Duct tape has been known to repair cars, trucks and ice chests over the years in tired and true adhesive prowess.

2. A wire cloths hanger has also found its way into the Indigenous tool box as well. Truly a quality building utensil, this handy device has also repaired innumerable items ranging from tail pipes to a communications devices or TV antenna. It’s all about innovation.

3. Better dumb down that ole pallet of yours and prepare for a culinary adventure that will leave you gagging. Easter will not be the same since you will need a can of spray paint to decorate those eggs with. Why? That’s a no brainer since Big Brother will supply you with powdered eggs in a can. Better get a taste for canned pork in water, not Kosher I might add, oy vey. Canned green beans and a sundry assortment of canned goods will be at your disposal. Is your food rancid? Oh well, that’s how it goes whence Uncle Sam places you on the dole, take it or leave it.

4. Gas? Forget about it. You’ll have to learn the age old art of bumming a ride to the store or doctors office. Walking will be a healthy alternative for those who have no friends. It’s all mind set and when you realize how broke you actually are you’ll be glad you bought that pair of Osiris Sneakers back in the day.

5. Property ownership will be a thing of the past as foreclosure after foreclosure throws families out into the streets. Ain’t nothing but a thing, just find a shiny shopping cart. If you live in Canada don’t use Zellers carts since they require a Loon and if you’re a broke bastard you’re SOL. Besides you are enjoying the Indigenous experience now and unnecessary suffering is the norm for us. No need to ask for help since it never gets there.

6. The feds built reservations or reserves for us but for you guys Uncle Sam built a zillion prisons to contain the miscreants and soon, you. Eventually debtors prisons will come back into fold and you can learn how it is like to do time with lifers with nothing left to lose. You can experience justice from an Indigenous point of view. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Learn what it’s like not to have a fair chance.

7. Health Care and Social Issues? Forget about it since this issue has not been addressed in years as it is. Learn the art of maintaining your sanity whence a loved one dies of a curable disease from poor healthcare. Learn the morticians name by heart as your family members succumb to ambivalence and indifference.

8. With all the linen and comforters left in storage after you was booted from your home building a shelter will be a piece of cake. Just watch a few cowboys and Indians movies, buy or steal a few lodge poles and build yourself a tipi. Have some friends of yours toss rocks and spit on you while being called Tonto.

In all reality the best piece of survival gear you could own is a cast iron umbrella for the people who rain raining down on you from their penthouses windows. Its just plain stupid people would whack themselves over material things anyway. Oh well it ain’t nothing but a thang homeboy/girl. Being broke is not fatal for most of us, just those poor bastards who thought money was everything. I very easily could have been one of those poor schmucks jumping out of the window on Wall Street. I used to be a power and material junkie back in the day and I’ll be the first one to admit it. Been there, done that and I’ve tasted life’s many quarters.

“Up for adoption, one slightly used Native journalist, educated, articulate and flatulent. Sort of crusty and sardonic in nature, has a bad attitude and could give a flying crappola about Sarah or her control freak husband Todd ‘Above the Law’ Palin” It just blows my mind how he was privy to Alaskan government business and classified files though.

Your Devil’s Advocate
Buffalohair
www.buffalohairgazette.com